confessions...

these are a few confessions I thought y'all should know about me... they aren't necessarily directed towards any one person or any one situation; so please don't take them as such and make them into something this is not. This is just me letting whoever takes the time to read this know what's been in my head the past few days... what's been on my mind, venting if you will into my life, my stress, and my somewhat feelings... confessions.

 

•  I hate being talked down too
• I hate people who don't work but expect to be paid like they do.
• I hate being lied to, and see it as the ultimate betray of trust
• No one has EVER gotten away with lying to me.
• I believe that no one is entitled to anything, and it frustrates me when people think they are.
• When I'm upset you'll know it, when I'm mad you'll know it, when I'm happy you'll know it, and when I'm down right pissed you'll know it.
• I don't like people taking advantage of me, the people I care about, or the people around me.
• I'm always ready to beat some one's face in, for any reason, because you gave me a dirty look, because you are messing with my life directly or indirectly, or even because you think something that's mine is yours.
• I follow my gut instincts, they have NEVER been wrong before.
• I know more about most situations then I let on.
• I am good at hiding what I don't want people to see.
• I have recently become a VERY jealous person, and I do NOT like it.
• I eat way to much fast food, i.e.. taco bell
• I secretly love my job, when I don't have to deal with my co-workers.
• I work/fight for what I want on a daily basis, nothing was handed or given to me and I don't like people who assume the things I have were handed to me, just because I drive a nice-ish car doesn't mean I don't pay for it and work my butt off to keep it.
• I don't like being screwed over and heaven help any fool that does because I hold grudges and get even, another thing I don't like about myself.
• I set high expectations for myself and don't stop until I reach them.
• I had a 4.0 GPA in culinary school, but never finished
• I'm in love.
• I've found the infamous "one".
• I'm the happiest I've EVER been.
• I'm strong willed and hard headed.
• I'm unstoppable when I'm mad.  
• I'm unstoppable ounce I put my mind to something.
• I'm unsure what the future holds, but I know that I'm not facing it alone.
• I am beautiful to not only my lord and savior, but also to the one who holds my heart.
• I am grateful that I have finally found "it".
• I am ready to face tomorrow with an open mind, a kind word, a helping hand, and a strong heart.

These are just a few things that came to my mind, I'm sure there will be a part 2 later down the road but for right now, in this moment that's all I have to tell you, all I want to say. And again don't take these as personal attacks on anyone/yourself because they ARE NOT directed that way!!! This is only meant to clear m head and get it out there, hey who knows maybe one of you will learn something new about me from this.

Plan called...

Every person is put in your life for a reason, they all have a purpose. It may be to teach you a lesson, or to show you the way to greatness. It may be to show you that you are stronger than you thought possible. It may be to point out your flaws and show you how to be a better person. Every person that crosses your path has a story they all have a road traveled to reach this point, this very spot in life, in geography, in work, school, and play. There was a choice made a consequence given. Nothing happens by chance… it’s all apart of a bigger design, a grander plan that you and I can’t see, can’t imagine, and can’t change. Everything is done in his time and by his plan. It’s better than you could ever dream, more than you could ever imagine. It’s your life’s journey. Do you sit back and let it pass you by? Do you get out and seize every opportunity, every moment? How do you handle the plan called life?  

Stressed....

For the past few months I have been overly stressed... it's been a roller coaster of emotions as I traveled to South Dakota, decided that wasn't for me and came home. couldn't find a job anywhere in the industry so I settled for going back to my old job a few weeks after getting home. money was running very very short and that just added to the stress. Now that I am working again I feel better in control of my life, my stress, and my money. that is until I got a letter... so much for saving my money for my move to Mississippi... now I am spending every extra cent I have paying down/off my debts, is this a wise choice... who knows, honestly I'm not even sure if it is or not...and yet again I'm STRESSED to the MAX!

What's been on my mind.... Honesty

I know what I want....

I want that one moment that will put a smile on my face for days, I want that one thing that let's me know I belong. I want to know where to go and have the surefooted-ness to take the first steps. I want you. I want to be in your arms, by your side, in the same place as you, never to be separated due to someone else's rules. I want to make my own choices, mistakes, and memories. I want to be with you when I go to sleep, and with you when I wake up. I don't want to have to spend the days thinking about you, the evenings thinking about you, and the nights teary eyed behind close doors keeping myself pulled together. I want to know you're coming home to me, I want to think about you. I don't want to think about when the next time i get to see you is; I want to KNOW it's tonight, everynight. I don't want to just be able to talk to you on the phone, I don't want to have to be disappointed when I miss your call because I fell asleep. I don't want to cook for just myself anymore. I don't want to just do MY laundry. I don't want to just clean MY room. I don't want to pretend anymore... I want it all be real; all the day dreams, thoughts, fantasies, all the one days, maybe's, and soon's, I want them all and i want them now...

Selfish i know.
Now, before you go and get the wrong idea; I am not obsessed and I am most certainly NOT pushing anything. I am however simply writing what I'm feeling/thinking. This is a subject that is on my mind more than I would like to admit. I just though that writing it down, putting it out there might help me make some sense of it all. No alternative motives, no hints being dropped, just honesty....

Thank You

Some may say that I am one lucky girl, but the truth is luck’s got nothing to do with it! It has everything to do with the fact that I pray and give every situation over to God because I know only he can make something good out of this mess I call life. Over the past couple weeks I have had a really rough time. I have learned that I have surrounded myself with some pretty awesome people. Without them there’s no way that I could have gotten through any of this. A special thank you to a few people.  First thank you to my parents who let me make my own mistakes and thank you for being there when I failed. Also, thank you to my best friend for being there to listen to me and give me the advice I needed to hear. Last, but most certainly not least thank you to me amazing boyfriend. Thank you for staying on the phone with me for hours just so I wouldn’t go crazy and so that I could sleep. Thank you for supporting me through the entire thing. Thank you for caring about me and never giving up on me even when I was super crabby! You were a HUGE (bigger than you know) part in getting me through this! Thank you to everyone who was supporting me and praying for me! It means more to me than you may ever know.